Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
