So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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