I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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