your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
