he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
