my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
