you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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