you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
