I think I won the penis lottery.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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