when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
