I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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