Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
