I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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