I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
