You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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