and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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