An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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