I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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