then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
