ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
