meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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