I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
