im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still dying that you shit outside
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
