I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
