I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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