Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
