They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
