what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
