Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
