I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize