I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
