Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
