Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
