yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
