My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
