i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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