This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
