Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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