If i come over, it means nothing
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
