thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
