He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
