i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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