Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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