Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
