you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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