the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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