How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
