I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
