Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
