Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
