This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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