im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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