to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
