So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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