well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
