And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
