He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i came on her dog
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
