direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize