failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
