You made me cry and you don't even care
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize